The Human Condition
The Human Condition: From an Animal’s Point of View
A -- An Alligator asked an Albatross to analyse why an atom bomb was absolutely absurd for any animal to access.
B—A big brown Bear in Boston was baffled: "Who would bake such a big bad bombe?"
C— A California Condor candidly commented: “If we keep on counting calories with Boost--the cows will never come home with the crows to roost."
D-- A Dove from Dover, Delaware flew over with ease and left an olive laurel, well aware that war was over and Peace was always a hardly done deal...
E— Every Elephant in England expected eavesdroppers everywhere to eliminate their ever-increasing urge for ivory...
F— Four fine feathered friends from California found it fortuitous to swallow a fortune cookie before flights on Fridays, without finalizing any fixed affairs first...
G— A Great Egret sent great regrets, granting grievances: What grave new toy has the brave new boy begotten to destroy our sacred Garden of Gaia?
H— A hopeful Hippo from Honolulu offered a haunting haiku:
Life and Death are lost and won,
Such as the wars we've just begun.
I— An ingenious Iguana interjected that the insane idiot was too ill-tempered to imperil the world with impunity. Imagine!
J— A Jaguar argued that it was just normal for a jury not to expect justice after O.J....
K—A Kangaroo court from Kalamazoo was hopping mad about a toxin leak, so they kicked up a storm during Boxing Week...
L—Love Birds in lower Mazatlán launched a laundry list of litanies: Just leave the Birds and Bees out of this, please...
M—A maimed Manatee moaned in misery. Voting and speed-boating should be outlawed in Florida, for many reasons...
N—No offshore nets were spoiled in nabbing large numbers of data; nor were loopholes spared while netting huge profits later...
O—Obviously, the Owl’s observations were the wisest: only an Ostrich was allowed to bury his head in the Sand, and get away with it...
P— A Parrot from Paraguay paraphrased it precisely: People shouldn’t put up with inept politics--Please, even the Pope, proof reads his prayers...!
Q—Quite frail, a female Quail requested that all male guests scramble their own eggs, quietly. It seemed both quaint and quizzical...
R— Rambunctious Roosters ranted and raved about all the booster shots they got and their plot to recoup their ruffled ranks, after raiding the hen house and then flying the coop with the total down.
S— A stark white Swan seemed so innocent, stuck in the muck of another sorrowful oil spill...
T—Ten Indian Tigers tried to test the notion that trash doesn’t traditionally mix with ocean...
U— A Unicorn was unexpectedly unfazed about the unique ways the USA under-mines uranium...
V—Veteran Vipers vented their vitriol about revolution and all the victims of Vietnam...
W-- A wannabe Wallaby in Waco wallowed in a wacky, wild-west fantasy.
I— An ingenious Iguana interjected that the insane idiot was too ill-tempered to imperil the world with impunity. Imagine!
J— A Jaguar argued that it was just normal for a jury not to expect justice after O.J....
K—A Kangaroo court from Kalamazoo was hopping mad about a toxin leak, so they kicked up a storm during Boxing Week...
L—Love Birds in lower Mazatlán launched a laundry list of litanies: Just leave the Birds and Bees out of this, please...
M—A maimed Manatee moaned in misery. Voting and speed-boating should be outlawed in Florida, for many reasons...
N—No offshore nets were spoiled in nabbing large numbers of data; nor were loopholes spared while netting huge profits later...
O—Obviously, the Owl’s observations were the wisest: only an Ostrich was allowed to bury his head in the Sand, and get away with it...
P— A Parrot from Paraguay paraphrased it precisely: People shouldn’t put up with inept politics--Please, even the Pope, proof reads his prayers...!
Q—Quite frail, a female Quail requested that all male guests scramble their own eggs, quietly. It seemed both quaint and quizzical...
R— Rambunctious Roosters ranted and raved about all the booster shots they got and their plot to recoup their ruffled ranks, after raiding the hen house and then flying the coop with the total down.
S— A stark white Swan seemed so innocent, stuck in the muck of another sorrowful oil spill...
T—Ten Indian Tigers tried to test the notion that trash doesn’t traditionally mix with ocean...
U— A Unicorn was unexpectedly unfazed about the unique ways the USA under-mines uranium...
V—Veteran Vipers vented their vitriol about revolution and all the victims of Vietnam...
W-- A wannabe Wallaby in Waco wallowed in a wacky, wild-west fantasy.
X—Every one except me was expected to express exuberance over this Oxymoron...
Y—Yaks yelled the most about their frozen assets, and why it was better to earn the bread today than to yearn for butter tomorrow...
Z—A dozen zealous Zebras zigzagged their fate, then felt exuberantly on the steps of the state. Led Zeppelin was well past its zenith, but for Ozzy, it was never too late...
JG October 20, 2003
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